I don’t have many friends. This fact hurt for a long time. I wanted so badly to find the bunch where I could be a banana. Nothing fit right, but now I’m ok with it. Now I know it’s probably for the best. Now I know that being part of a group might have changed me into something else. The group speak. I might have become lost in the group.
Now I’m content. Not happy, content.
Once in a while, I’m overwhelmed with a type of joy I don’t think many people experience. It’s a type of euphoria. Today I felt that. It feels like becoming a transparent crystal sparkling thing, that becomes part of every crystalline sparkling thing. It’s not jumping up and down joy. It’s not laughing till you cry joy (that’s a story for another time)
It is a deep stillness, where all noise, clatter and static fall away. It’s like being alone in a field after a lighting storm, where the air is still clean and charged with a bit of electricity. It’s a feeling that everything is perfectly in tune and every piece is where it should be.
So, I don’t mind being alone (even if there are lots of people around) I realize now I can’t make people like me, Hell! most of the time they don’t even notice me! It pisses me off that sumbitch wasp saw me though, and chased me and stung me. I really don’t much care for that group!